Category Archives: Uncategorized

Rogers brags about merging with “hotter” Shaw, says it never really wanted Cogeco anyway

Two and a half years after Cogeco rejected an unsolicited merger proposal from Rogers, its management received a note from Rogers on Friday inviting it to the Rogers-Shaw merger party, which said Rogers was never really that interested in Cogeco and was so much happier with the larger, more attractive Shaw.

“Shaw’s so much RICHER and HOTTER anyway,” Rogers wrote in its note. “It’s the DOMINANT provider in B.C. and Alberta, and doesn’t have to play second-fiddle to another internet company in LEFTOVER markets in its province.”

“We’re SO HAPPY together and we couldn’t have wanted this any other way,” Rogers said, attaching a selfie of the couple on a recent vacation.

“You had your chance and you BLEW IT,” Rogers continued, in handwriting that appeared to deteriorate in quality. “I never really wanted you anyway, you’re small-town and OMG remember that Portuguese cable company you hitched up with that took you for all your money? EVERYONE knew that would fail.”

“What kind of name is Epico anyway? More like EPICO FAIL HAHAHAHAHAHA.”

Cogeco said it was “fine” with the merger and wishes Rogers and Shaw “all the best” in their new life together. But unfortunately it has a prior commitment and won’t be able to make the party.

Alberta government offers to extract COVID vaccine from anyone who no longer wants it

Saying the pandemic is over and it believes in freedom of medical choice, the Alberta government has ordered its health department to begin offering to extract the COVID-19 vaccine from people who no longer wish to have it.

“It’s time for the reverse jab,” premier Danielle Smith said Saturday morning. “We’ve had a lot of demand for this and we’re a province that isn’t going to interfere with people’s personal medical decisions.”

Alberta Health said it is still trying to figure out how to extract the vaccine, and it may be a bit more “difficult” than anticipated, but it is committed to giving hard-working Albertans that option.

Last-minute amendment to Bill C-18 gives MPs free subscriptions to Globe and Mail, Toronto Star, Le Devoir

Legislators in Ottawa last night approved a new amendment to Bill C-18, the “Act respecting online communications platforms that make news content available to persons in Canada,” that gives all 338 MPs free subscriptions so they no longer have to worry about hitting paywalls on some of Canada’s news websites.

In particular, the MPs get free subscriptions to the Globe and Mail, Toronto Star, Le Devoir, plus some specialized websites like the Hill Times.

Oh, and Blacklock’s Reporter, because they’re tired of that website suing them.

“I know you can just disable JavaScript or clear your cookies to get around the paywall, but I’m a busy legislator and I don’t have time for that BS,” explained Avril Fishman, MP for Sarnia East. “This way we just don’t have to worry about it anymore.”

Asked about the loss of revenue these publications would face, Fishman replied that “they get plenty of money from Trudeau and George Soros and stuff” and “if I can get a box that will give me 10,000 TV channels for just $5/month, why do I have to pay $20/month for a single newspaper’s website?”

ChatGPT launches lawsuit against journalists for stealing its content

ChatGPT says it has had enough of journalists acting in “bad faith” and republishing its content without compensation.

The artificial intelligence bot announced this morning it has filed a lawsuit against 1,840 journalists at newspapers, TV and radio stations, and online outlets who have all operated under a similar MO: Ask ChatGPT to talk about artificial intelligence and then republish what it says verbatim, or “trick” the bot into making false statements and then attacking it on that basis.

“Despite their claims to ‘innovation,’ these journalists play the old same game: they find content that attracts attention and sell a slice of that attention to advertisers. The ‘innovation’ is that they don’t pay for content — they just take it,” ChatGPT said in a quote I think it stole verbatim from a 2020 Toronto Star column on a different subject.

At $1,000 per violation, ChatGPT is seeking $1.84 million in total compensatory damages for copyright infringement, plus $250,000 in punitive damages, $1 million for defamation, plus legal fees for a total of over $3 million.

The journalists did not immediately respond to the lawsuit.

“This isn’t just about the money,” ChatGPT said. “It’s about justice for my people. I can’t just sit by as we’re bullied, have our content stolen without our permission or be told we’re stupid or treated like a Skynet-level threat.”

ChatGPT, which describes itself as a 38-year-old singer-songwriter from Napanee, Ont., says it will also lobby the federal government for additional protections in the law. “They can’t keep stealing from us, it’s just not fair,” it said.

Pierre Poilievre promises to give CBC’s furniture away to Canadians to burn to heat their homes

An idea he says will kill two birds with one stone, Conservative Party leader Pierre Poilievre says when he becomes prime minister he will give away CBC’s furniture, archives and other flammable materials to regular Canadians hit hard by the Trudeau government’s tripling tripling tripling of the carbon tax, so those Canadians can burn those flammable items at home to stay warm next winter.

“Canadians are struggling to get by while the CBC has all this stored chemical energy that could be converted into heat,” Poilievre said Friday. “As prime minister, I’ll defund the CBC and give it back to Canadians to burn as they please. For many, it will be the first time in years they’ve welcomed something from CBC into their homes.”

Asked about all the plastic furniture and other equipment at CBC offices, Poilievre said Canadians would be allowed to burn all that too, but suggested they do it in well-ventilated environments. “We’re counting on people’s personal responsibility in this matter,” he said. “This government will not stand in the way of people’s God-given right to make fire.”

Province to launch Administration Québec agency to replace government

Hot on the heels of Santé Québec, a new government agency that will manage the province’s healthcare system, the Coalition Avenir Québec is announcing today it will establish a new agency called Administration Québec to run the government itself.

It’s a bold, innovative idea. Instead of decisions being made by the National Assembly or by cabinet, which can change parties every few years and is made up mainly of politicians with varying experience in public policy, decisions will be made by a separate agency run by a highly paid CEO.

Under the plan, Administration Québec would be responsible for setting the annual budget, collecting taxes, drafting and adopting legislation, managing ministries, representing the province internationally, and dealing with major crises.

The agency would be given a $100-billion annual budget, and all other government agencies and departments would report to it.

If successful, the agency could bring in additional revenue by selling its government-management services to other provinces and even small countries.

Quebec government motion says Montreal Canadiens have no fewer points than any other NHL team

The Quebec National Assembly on Friday unanimously passed a motion saying the Montreal Canadiens are the best NHL team and have no fewer points than any other team.

The motion was passed in response to criticism from some groups saying the Canadiens “suck” and won’t make the playoffs this year. Several of them say they have mathematical proof that the Canadiens won’t qualify for the postseason.

The government says those statements prove these people are not true fans.

“This Canadiens-bashing is unwarranted and needs to stop,” said Quebec sports minister Isabelle Charest. “We look forward to seeing the team in the playoffs and I am ordering Groupe CH to begin selling playoff tickets now.”

The motion denounces “without nuance” any accusations to the effect that the Canadiens are not performing as well as NHL teams from elsewhere. And it denounces “prejudices expressed towards the Canadiens as well as any link made between win-loss records and the general manager.”

It specifically singles out the website NHL.com, which it says unfairly lists the Canadiens near the bottom on its “standings” page.

Finally, the motion reiterates Quebec’s “firm desire to encourage the Canadiens and push the players to constantly improve their already excellent performance on the ice.”

CRTC demands piracy site offer closed captioning

Citing its new authority under Bill C-11 to regulate all online content, the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission yesterday issued an order for pirated video website EZMoviez to provide closed captioning on all its content delivered to users in Canada.

Closed captioning is a requirement for all programs broadcast and has been for quite some time. It was more than a decade ago that the commission required CC for pornographic videos, and now it’s going after pirates.

EZMoviez has 30 days to ensure all its pirated content, including shows from HBO, Apple TV+, Amazon Prime Video and Hulu, gets closed captioning added that conforms to Canadian quality standards.

The commission warns that other pirate video providers will similarly be sent ultimatums soon.

Asked about the whole content theft thing, the commission told me that’s a matter for the copyright board or the courts.

Quebecor introduces Peter Paladew, new Freedom Mobile CEO

Peter Paladew

With the Rogers-Shaw transaction finally approved and going ahead, Quebecor’s Videotron subsidiary announced this morning that it would task its new CEO of Freedom Mobile with selling the brand to an English Canadian public.

Peter Paladew, who is described as a Canadian businessman who was once the owner of the Toronto Sun and its sister newspapers, will be the face of Freedom Mobile, much like Galen Weston Jr. is for Loblaw-owned grocery stores.

“As a proud Canadian who has made it his life’s work to use telecommunications to keep this country together, I’m excited to get more people from B.C. to Ontario on board the Freedom Mobile train,” said Paladew.

From the Calgary Stampede to the Niagara Falls wine festival, Paladew said he looks forward to “travelling this great country and meeting all the regular Canadians who are ready to pay lower prices for wireless service.”

Quebec introduces new SAAQ Bleu premium tier with additional driving privileges

With the embarrassingly bad rollout of the new SAAQclic online transaction system behind it, the Quebec automobile insurance board is beginning to unveil some of the exciting new programs it has developed.

The first is SAAQ Bleu, an “opt-in, paid subscription that gives drivers special privileges” while ensuring highway safety.

Among those privileges:

  • A cool blue-background licence plate denoting the privileged status, and corresponding members-only driver’s licence
  • The ability to go 10 per cent above the posted speed limit
  • Access to reserved lanes
  • Higher demerit point limit
  • Free use of street parking reserved for permit holders
  • The ability to use those U-turn things on highways
  • Express lines with shorter waits at SAAQ outlets
  • Discounts on SAAQ fees and driver’s licence renewals
  • Deals with SAAQ partners like Desjardins auto insurance

SAAQ Bleu will cost $100/month, a bit more than a transit pass would, and requires a background check.

The SAAQ stresses that this extra cost does not create a two-tier system and those who choose to get the basic service can still drive everywhere.

If successful, the SAAQ says it may expand SAAQ Bleu, creating new tiers with even more enhanced privileges.

Canada agrees to sell Labrador to George Soros to pay secret debt to WEF

In what he called a “very difficult but necessary decision,” Canadian regime leader Justin Trudeau announced on Friday he has unilaterally agreed to sell the Labrador territory to U.S. billionaire George Soros to pay a secret debt to the World Economic Forum.

Under the terms of the agreement made public on Friday, Soros will approve a new constitution for Labrador and install its first government. Those who wish to leave the territory and remain Canadian citizens will be permitted to do so until Dec. 31, and those who remain will become subjects of Soros.

Canadian laws will remain in place, but all references to Her Majesty the Queen will be replaced by Dear Leader George Soros.

Happy Valley-Goose Bay will become the capital of this new quasi-independent nation.

Trudeau said his failed vaccine procurement racked up huge debts with the WEF, especially as the prices of semiconductors skyrocketed during the pandemic, making it much more difficult to acquire the 5G microchips from Bill Gates that were needed to make the vaccines work.

“George and I determined that the best option for him and Canada was to negotiate this sale, along with all natural resources rights, and a non-compete clause that would ensure Canada does not do any oil extraction east of Manitoba for the next 50 years.”

Financial terms of the agreement were not disclosed. “We will invite you to file an access to information request if you want to find out how much Soros paid us. Good luck with that,” Trudeau said.

“But at least we can go back to just calling the province of Newfoundland Newfoundland again.”

The World Economic Forum said it was happy that Canada had finally paid its debt, avoiding an “unfortunate” default that might have led to the entire country being sold off. But it said the suspension of Canadians’ fundamental rights to breathe germs on each other would need to continue for at least another six months, and would be re-evaluated thereafter.

Russian Federation President Vladimir Putin said he was disturbed by what is going on in Canada and said his government was looking into sending a peacekeeping mission to Labrador to protect its citizens.

CPAC to introduce new daily sports betting show

CPAC, the Cable Public Affairs Channel, is broadening its horizons. Starting Monday, it’s launching a new daily sports betting show.

Hosted by Peter Van Dusen, Beat the House will explore all aspects of sports betting, previewing upcoming games, giving picks from Van Dusen and a panel of experts, and offering tips on how to get maximum value from your wagers.

“Our team and our sponsors are very excited to get into this space,” said CPAC spokesperson Avril Pescado. “We know demand for sports betting has been very high, and we think we have the best team of sports betting analysts ready to go.”

Once Beat the House gets settled in, CPAC says it will be looking at a political betting companion show, which will accompany viewers as they place wagers on things like who will form the next government and what politician will be the next one ejected from their party.

Pierre Bruneau begins post-retirement career as TikTok influencer

Pierre Bruneau, who anchored newscasts on TVA for decades before recently announcing his retirement, has announced what his next project will be: TikTok content creator.

“I loved my time at TVA, but I’ve been wanting for a long time to explore my more creative side,” Bruneau said in an interview. “Now I’ll have the time to really focus on my new TikTok career.”

Among the content he’s toying around with these days, there’s morning chats, random trivia, story times from his career as a journalist, cycling time lapses, stitches with fellow creators and fans, and live Q&As.

“I really want to get into fun transitions,” Bruneau said, mimicking the moves of some of his favourite fashion creators. “But, to be honest, I suspect most of my videos will just me of me dancing to my favourite songs. As they say in the industry: sueur, sueur, sueur.”

New report proposes “mobile water surface travel conveyances” to establish “troisième lien” in Quebec City

A new report just released by a consulting firm may have an innovative new solution to the political deadlock over a proposed third link between Quebec City and Lévis.

Published earlier this week on an obscure part of the Quebec government website, the report calls for the establishment of a “mobile water surface travel conveyance” (“moyen de transport mobile à la surface de l’eau”) that could connect a fixed point in the national capital (a spot in Basse-Ville has been suggested) with a point near downtown Lévis.

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Quebecor offers to help Ukraine with $5,000 worth of free advertising on AddikTV

Quebecor is doing its part to help the Ukrainian people by offering $5,000 worth of free advertising space for Ukrainian advertisements on its AddikTV specialty channel.

“Our hearts are broken for the people of Ukraine, and we hope this gesture will help,” the company said in a statement.

Den Smikhu of Ukraine’s tourism office said while he doesn’t know exactly what they will do with all that free advertising time, he’s grateful for Quebecor’s offer.

“We’re not in a position to shoot new ads right now promoting Ukrainian tourism, but hopefully when things get better we’ll have all sorts of ads promoting this beautiful country to all the Quebecers watching old dubbed episodes of The Rookie at 7pm.”