City admits pothole brigade doesn’t exist

Montreal city officials admitted at a council committee meeting Thursday night that the famed “pothole brigade”, which the city has convinced the media is going around the city filling potholes, does not in fact exist, and the city is doing absolutely nothing about the pothole problem.

What’s worse, they admitted, this is being done on purpose as part of a convoluted conspiracy.

It happens every spring, people complain to the city and to the media that there are potholes everywhere. They say their cars are getting damaged, that it’s dangerous, and that everywhere else you can drive safely on the street, comforted in the knowledge that a giant hole won’t suddenly manifest itself in front of you.

In recent years, the city has responded by staging photo ops of work crews pouring asphalt into potholes. That seemed to be enough to placate the lamestream media.

Turns out, however, this is not the proper method of fixing potholes. The asphalt pops out of the hole within days and disintegrates, bringing the problem back.

The city knows this, of course. As it turns out, they have a financial incentive to cause damage to cars. It’s not reported a lot these days, but the city has a monopoly on car wheel repair shops, and imposes heavy taxes on all new wheels, rims and suspensions.

Encouraging pothole-related damage is also in line with Mayor Gérald Tremblay’s relentless assault on cars. Not only has he diverted millions of dollars from road repair into extravagant cocktail parties for cyclists, but he’s actively encouraging the destruction of private vehicles. Eventually he’d like all cars taken off the road and everyone to get around by Bixi.

But, of course, he’s not ready to admit that publicly yet, which is why we have this charade for the benefit of rich car drivers who pay almost all of the city’s tax revenue.

Every other city in the world has solved their pothole problem to the point where they don’t exist anywhere but Montreal. Young people in Toronto don’t even know what the word “pothole” means anymore. But in Montreal, they’ll continue to be a daily annoyance for drivers for years to come.

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