- Get a pretty person to sing a happy love song in English. Bonus points for constant smiling and similarity to Sanjaya
- Have dancers in the background, wearing black, do lots of crouching and jumping
- Use tall, pretty, female backup singers
- Involve string instruments, especially violins and/or cellos
- Include lots of sound that clearly does not come from any instrument on stage
- Exploit screens, fireworks and coloured lights in the background
Am I the only one to have expected a bit more from a pan-European talent competition?