1. Get a pretty person to sing a happy love song in English. Bonus points for constant smiling and similarity to Sanjaya
2. Have dancers in the background, wearing black, do lots of crouching and jumping
3. Use tall, pretty, female backup singers
4. Involve string instruments, especially violins and/or cellos
5. Include lots of sound that clearly does not come from any instrument on stage
6. Exploit screens, fireworks and coloured lights in the background

Am I the only one to have expected a bit more from a pan-European talent competition?