| Country/region | Gold | Silver | Bronze | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Planet Earth | 99 | 97 | 99 | 295 |
| Countries with red in their flags | 95 | 87 | 91 | 273 |
| Every country except Russia | 86 | 86 | 90 | 262 |
| Europe (includes Russia) | 73 | 67 | 73 | 213 |
| Axis powers, its allies and occupied states | 49 | 41 | 52 | 142 |
| European Union | 43 | 51 | 52 | 146 |
| Roman Empire | 33 | 34 | 40 | 107 |
| Holy Roman Empire | 30 | 32 | 33 | 95 |
| Eastern Bloc | 29 | 21 | 18 | 68 |
| North America | 19 | 17 | 17 | 53 |
| Soviet Union | 19 | 13 | 14 | 46 |
| Landlocked countries | 18 | 15 | 11 | 44 |
| Scandinavia | 14 | 15 | 17 | 46 |
| British Empire | 12 | 14 | 15 | 41 |
| Poland if it stole all of Germany’s medals (payback’s a bitch, ain’t it?) | 12 | 7 | 6 | 25 |
| Commonwealth | 11 | 13 | 8 | 32 |
| Athletes named Alex, Alexander, Alexey or Alexis | 10 | 7 | 3 | 20 |
| Austro-Hungarian Empire | 9 | 15 | 11 | 35 |
| Netherlands speedskating team | 8 | 7 | 8 | 23 |
| Asia (not including Russia) | 7 | 11 | 8 | 26 |
| Rest of Canada | 5 | 6 | 3 | 14 |
| Norwegian cross-country team | 5 | 2 | 4 | 11 |
| South Korea if it stole all of Victor An’s medals | 5 | 1 | 2 | 8 |
| Dutch speed skaters Ireen Wust and Sven Kramer together (not that we’re suggesting anything) | 4 | 4 | 0 | 8 |
| Red states | 4 | 1 | 0 | 5 |
| Czechoslovakia | 3 | 4 | 2 | 9 |
| Blue states | 3 | 3 | 6 | 12 |
| Quebec | 3 | 3 | 2 | 8 |
| East Germany | 3 | 3 | 1 | 7 |
| Countries starting with “Slov” | 3 | 2 | 4 | 9 |
| West Germany | 3 | 2 | 3 | 8 |
| Darya Domracheva | 3 | 0 | 0 | 3 |
| Marit Bjoergen | 3 | 0 | 0 | 3 |
| Swedish cross-country team | 2 | 5 | 4 | 11 |
| Swing states*/red-blue mixed | 2 | 3 | 5 | 10 |
| Yugoslavia | 2 | 3 | 4 | 9 |
| Ahuntsic (the Dufour-Lapointe home) | 1 | 1 | 0 | 2 |
| Charles Hamelin/Marianne St-Gelais when embracing | 1 | 1 | 0 | 2 |
| Southern hemisphere | 0 | 2 | 1 | 3 |
| Me | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
*Defined as a state that has voted for both parties for president since 2000.